Free Falling

..... a situation where the self takes time to attach. 

As for now, I have "successfully" completed three IV therapy infusions.  The only "adverse reaction" I can report is some really random headaches ..... worth mentioning because they are really strange headaches....strong enough to wake me up, but so random that I cannot pinpoint exactly where in my head is being pounded -- fortunately, they go away after a couple of acetaminophen (tylenol).

Periodically, I find myself wiggling my fingers and toes to see if feeling has improved.....nothing new to report -- YET.  Physical therapy is going great. Actually, I wasn't really sure what to expect with PT, it's great because I am learning LOTS of safety techniques and home exercises.

As you know, we started this blog in an effort to keep our family and friends apprised of this new adventure we find ourselves in.....and we really appreciate all your thoughts and prayers.  Your words and prayers encourage me tremendously.  I am the type of person who sees the cup half-full, so a little encouragement goes a long way......over the top!  Some of the feedback recently received is that I am just a little too vague in the posts.

So please allow me to peel back a few layers, as I attempt to explain this process of rethinking who I am.  When my symptoms (tingling in my hands and feet) first began, I felt dazed and anxious -- I felt stripped of everything I had ever identified myself with ..... and there was "ego shock" -- a serious blow to the self esteem.  The initial reaction -- numbness .....time stops, mind goes blank, and the whole world seems unfamiliar...... preoccupied with "my life has been shattered."   Everyday life scripts -- habits, self perception and assumptions went out the window.  Negative events have a certain way of disturbing the status quo.

Things I miss:

• walking -- with confidence (feels like I am walking on pillows)
• highheels, boots, fun strappy shoes
• rushing around (getting in a hurry gets me in trouble)
• the mall
• styling my hair -- good thing ponytails are always in
• a shower (only baths for now - safety first)
• yoga; tennis; golf (lots of swimming for now)
• a barefoot walk

Things I learn:

• Mary Jane shoes are super comfortable
• joy and healing only His presence brings
• ego-development -- ability to think about life with complexity
• ability to be self-reflective and introspective
• peace through the trial
• more tolerant and forgiving of others
• material ambitions seem silly
• anonymous kindness
• pleasures of family and friends -- paramount

Overall, I feel there is a built-in human capacity to flourish under the most difficult circumstances. God's grace really is sufficient. Emotional reward can compensate for the pain and difficulty of adversity.  And it is possible to live an extraordinary, rewarding life even within the constraints and struggles we face.

  

.....What is better than a spa day..... a spa day with Baby Joy ;)